"You, sorority girl…
Just in case you accidentally wander
into a voting booth one day,
there are some things you should know.
One of them is there is absolutely no evidence
to support the statement that we’re the greatest country in the world.
We’re seventh in literacy, 27th in math,
22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy
178th in infant mortality,
third in median household income,
number four in labor force and number four in exports.
We lead the world in only three categories:
Number of incarcerated citizens per capita,
number of adults who believe angels are real
and defense spending where we spend more
than the next 26 countries combined.
25 of whom are allies.
Now, none of this is the fault
of a 20-year-old college student,
but you nonetheless are without a doubt
a member of the worst PERIOD generation PERIOD ever PERIOD
So when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world,
I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”